The last time I felt free?
I feel free
when I can write
write about everything I like
every unexplained thought in my messed-up head
every feeling of unease that I ever had
every hope I know will someday fade away
every moment I don’t want to walk away
I feel free
when I write poems
they make me calm
they make me Forget
forget about things that other people think are important
but for me just irrelevant
writing makes me stop pretending I’m someone that I don’t want to be
and turns me into myself
a person that I yet have to get to know and explore
I feel free
when I can go back and read
these memories of these sad, angry, happy feelings
go back to these strange, funny, unexplained thoughts
go back to the memories I wished I never had
and finally feel like someone understands
without asking me any questions I can’t answer yet
because they are a mystery that I have to crack the code to
I feel free
when I see what I wrote down for me to read
and think
finally someone that I can relate to
even though it’s just me
I am glad to see that I found something that matters
something as easy as that
just forming words so that they make sense
I feel free
when I write there is no one to judge me
no one to say that my grammar is horrible
no one to say what mistakes I made
no one to ask afterwards
„Are you OK?“
no one to judge me as a person
no one to expect anything happy
free
this freedom is just for me
finally
even though I want to show them to everyone
I still struggle and better keep them to myself
and for now it stays that way
because that freedom I won’t give away
at least not today.