The last time I felt free?

I feel free

when I can write

write about everything I like

every unexplained thought in my messed-up head

every feeling of unease that I ever had

every hope I know will someday fade away

every moment I don’t want to walk away

I feel free

when I write poems

they make me calm

they make me Forget

forget about things that other people think are important

but for me just irrelevant

writing makes me stop pretending I’m someone that I don’t want to be

and turns me into myself

a person that I yet have to get to know and explore

I feel free

when I can go back and read

these memories of these sad, angry, happy feelings

go back to these strange, funny, unexplained thoughts

go back to the memories I wished I never had

and finally feel like someone understands

without asking me any questions I can’t answer yet

because they are a mystery that I have to crack the code to

I feel free

when I see what I wrote down for me to read

and think

finally someone that I can relate to

even though it’s just me

I am glad to see that I found something that matters

something as easy as that

just forming words so that they make sense

I feel free

when I write there is no one to judge me

no one to say that my grammar is horrible

no one to say what mistakes I made

no one to ask afterwards

„Are you OK?“

no one to judge me as a person

no one to expect anything happy

free

this freedom is just for me

finally

even though I want to show them to everyone

I still struggle and better keep them to myself

and for now it stays that way

because that freedom I won’t give away

at least not today.